Recent Posts

Saying I’m queer makes me feel weird

But I’ll say it anyway The first time I kissed a girl I was 28. I was fresh out of a long-term relationship, on the dance floor at a bar with some friends, feeling frisky and a bit lost, when this girl walked in. She was glowing. I don’t know what struck me first – […]

Why I choose non-monogamy

I was listening to a song today while driving – Brandi Carlile’s “I belong to you” and suddenly I felt a wave of grief coming over me. Here are some of the words: “I know I could be spending a little too much time with youBut time and too much don’t belong together like we […]

That time I was sexually assaulted

Consent violation, and owning my story Content warning: This post contains descriptions of sexual harassment and assault. I wrote this post about two months ago, but then decided against posting because the time felt somehow off. Now it feels right. I do want to mention that most of the events recounted here happened in my […]

Am I bipolar?

A story of doubt, trauma and truth In June 2018 I checked myself into a psychiatric clinic for three weeks. In many ways, the time I spent at the clinic was one of the most profoundly validating and healing experiences of my life. I was, first of all, extremely fortunate to have medical insurance which […]

YES: Pain and power

For me the past month has been…spectacularly hard. Some stuff went down that I’m not quite ready to blog about yet. The summary is that someone I love and respect broke my trust in a complicated way, over a time period of a year. And he acted with such a strange mixture of good intentions […]

If you can’t breathe, I can’t breathe

I have written and deleted six different opening paragraphs to this piece. Writing about my own stuff – even the hard topics, even stuff that makes me feel really exposed or embarrassed – comes naturally. I own my story and I choose how I tell it; I might worry that readers will be alienated or […]

I am alive and breathing and resplendent and it isn’t as much fun as I’d hoped it would be

Content warning: This post contains mentions of drug use and mental illness and abuse and heartbreak. This is not the full story. I’d like to preface this post by saying this is not the full story. There is also triumph and joy in my life and I am much more than my trauma. But this […]

Ecstatic nihilism, or: We are all going to die

I’ve been working on a post which has been getting rather stuck in my throat. It’s a necessary piece, for me, but writing about it feels hazardous. I stop, delete, rewrite. I think ‘In the face of others’ much greater trauma, do I even have the right to tell this story?’ I wonder if I’ll […]